Stalking
Information
Who Is At Risk?
- Anyone can be stalked— not just celebrities.
- The vast majority of stalking victims are ordinary people.
- Most stalkers are not strangers and are known by their victim.
- A minority of victims are stalked by strangers.
- The majority of victims (approximately 80 %) are women.
- While the most common type of stalking is by a person in a former personal or romantic relationship, stalking can occur during a relationship, after a relationship, or in the absence of a relationship.
- Stalking often begins during a relationship.
- Stalkers may keep the victim under surveillance or threaten her or him.
- Others begin stalking after the victim has ended the relationship, and the stalker feels desperate to maintain or regain control.
- Others become fixated on a victim without ever having had any relationship with the person.
Possible Actions to Take If You believe You Are Being Stalked
- If you suspect you are being followed or stalked, it is important to file a complaint with the Yale or New Haven Police. Every state has stalking laws and the stalker may have broken other laws with actions such as assaulting you or stealing or destroying your property. If the stalker is a student at Yale, you may also bring a complaint to the Sexual Harassment Grievance Board.
- File a complaint with the Yale Police and/or the New Haven Police. Tell them about all threats.
- If you are in immediate danger, find a safe place to go, like campus police, a friend's dorm room, or a public area. If you can't get out of danger, but can get to a phone, call 911.
- Contact support systems to help you, including the SHARE Center, YUHS Mental Health & Counseling Center, your Dean or Master, Freshman Counselor, the Dean of your program, or campus police. Make sure to keep these numbers handy, in case you need them.
- If you think you could be in danger, get a restraining order. A restraining order requires the stalker to stay away from you and not contact you. Talk to the Yale Police, a victim advocate or attorney to see how to get a restraining order. An arrest can be made if the stalker violates the order.
- Telling those around you to keep your information confidential may avoid accidental sharing of information with the stalker or someone known to the stalker.
- Collect evidence: write down every incident that happens. Include the time, date, and other important information.
- Collect evidence: keep videotapes, audiotapes, answering machine/voicemail messages, text messages, photos of property damage, and letters or emails.
- Tell important people about the stalking problem, including the police, your family and friends.
- Tell a friend – telling friends and family about what you are experiencing can help provide additional support.
- Tell campus security staff or security staff at work and ask them to watch out for your safety.
Safety Suggestions
Stalking is unpredictable and dangerous. No two stalking situations are alike. There are no guarantees that what works for one person will work for another, yet you can take steps for your safety.
- If you are in immediate danger call 911
- Be alert for suspicious persons, and immediately get to a safe, well-lit public place if you suspect you are being followed.
- Trust your instincts. Don’t downplay the danger. If you feel you are unsafe you probably are.
- Take threats seriousl.y
- Don’t be shy about yelling or screaming to call for help.
- Have another person (call 2-WALK for escort or minibus service) or campus security official walk with you to your desired destination when you feel unsafe.
- Vary the routes you take and the time you spend when walking.
- When driving, go directly to a police station if you are being followed. Never drive home or to a friend or relative’s home.
- Keep your cell phone with you at all times.
- Identify visitors before opening your door.
- Develop a safety plan such as arranging a place to stay. Decide in advance what to do if the stalker shows up at your home, work, school, or somewhere else.
- Don’t communicate with the stalker or respond to his or her attempts to contact you.
How Do I Know If I’m Being Stalked?
There are several behaviors associated with stalking. Any or all of the following may be characteristic of stalking behaviors;
- Persistent phone calls, e-mails and cyber stalking, letters, or any other communications that are undesired and make you afraid.
- Direct verbal or physical threats (e.g. a person saying she/he is going to come after you or someone forcefully grabbing your arm).
- Waiting or showing up uninvited at or near your residence, workplace or classroom.
- Gathering information about you from friends, family, and/or coworkers (e.g. stalker asks your best friend what your favorite flowers are or where your favorite places are to hang out).
- Unwanted following or surveillance of your activities.
- Manipulative behaviors such as threats of harm to him/herself (e.g. threat of stalker to commit suicide if you do not comply with the stalker’s wishes).
- Sending unwanted gifts, cards or other items.
- Defamation – spreading lies about you (e.g. rumors of infidelity, etc.).
Profile of Stalker
- Nearly 90% of stalkers are men
- Stalkers can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, co-workers, fellow students, or current or former intimate partners, including spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, and dates.
- Current or former intimate partners stalk the majority of female victims.
- A minority of stalkers target victims with whom they have had no prior connection.
- Stalkers are often socially maladjusted, emotionally immature, and insecure.
- Stalkers are seeking power and control.
Common Reactions to Being Stalked
Experiencing stalking and the threat of repeated danger can be extremely upsetting. Stalking can be very traumatic and can cause emotional stress. Victims of stalking may have nightmares and feel out of control. Stalking can also cause academic stress. The following is a list of common feelings and reactions that victims of stalking have reported:
- Loss of time from work or inability to go to class
- Fear
- Vulnerable
- Depressed
- Confused
- Isolated
- Hopeless
- Difficulty concentrating
- Difficulty remembering things
- Irritable
- Impatient
- On Edge
- Anxious
- Lack of control
- Difficulty sleeping
- Loss of interest in everyday things
- Afraid to go to class, hang out in routine places, or socialize with the same people.
- Nervous
- Emotional and physical exhaustion
- Hypervigilant
- Flashbacks or intrusive memories
- Use of alcohol or drugs
- Stress
- Stress-related physical symptoms
How to Help a Friend
- Listen
- Show support
- Don’t blame the victim
- Don’t make judgments about the situation
- Remember that every situation is different
- Help the person with resources, be informed
- Encourage him/her to contact the police
- Encourage him/her to seek professional advice
- Help the person make a plan he/she is comfortable with
- Allow the person being stalked to make choices about how to proceed
- Find someone you can talk to about the situation
- Take steps to ensure your own safety
